Back to December
by my crooked heart
Summary: Sequel to Last Kiss. When Brittany returns to McKinley, all she wants is for Santana to forgive her.. Inspired by Taylor Swift's "Back to December". Oneshot, Brittana, please R&R! T to be safe.


**Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy and Fox, Back to December lyrics belong to Taylor Swift.**

**Dun-da-da-daaaa! My second Brittana songfic, the sequel to Last Kiss. I'm kind of iffy about it because writing serious Brittany/angsty Brittany is difficult because she's normally so ditzy and fun. Anyway, I tried, so hopefully it worked out okay. Please R&R!**

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><p><strong>Back to December<strong>

_Summary: __When Brittany left, she broke Santana__'__s heart. Now that she__'__s back, how will Santana handle it?_

_**I'm so glad you made time to see me  
>How's life? Tell me, how's your family?<br>I haven't seen them in a while**_

As she exits the airport, suitcase in hand, Brittany scans the area for a familiar face. As soon as she found out she was coming back to Lima she called her friends, each and every one of them, hoping that they would pass along the message. She doesn't see Santana's face in the crowd, but three familiar figures stand by the taxi rank. Kurt, looking fabulous as always. Artie, wearing a wide smile. Quinn, holding a bunch of roses. They wave at her and call her over and Brittany approaches them, pasting a smile on her face even though a knot has formed in her stomach.

She's glad to see them. She just wishes that Santana was here, too.

_**You've been good, busier than ever  
>We small talk, work and the weather<br>Your guard is up, and I know why**_

Artie's dad is there to take them back home. He welcomes Brittany just like her friends and she feels a pang, remembering when she and Artie were together. They were simpler times, and everything is different now.

During the ride home, Kurt, Artie and Quinn fill her in on everything that she's missed in the past year. Mr. Schuester's long-awaited proposal to Ms. Pillsbury, Finn and Rachel's numerous break-ups, Sam's departure, Mercedes's short-lived fling with one of the Dalton Academy Warblers. Kurt tells her how Blaine is and how happy they are together. Artie tells her that he's missed her, but promises that there are no hard feelings about the break-up, not anymore. Quinn tells her that the Cheerios have gone downhill since she left, but now that she's back, they can regain their spark. That makes Brittany happy. She doesn't ask about Santana.

She doesn't feel like she can.

_**Because the last time you saw me  
>Is still burned in the back of your mind<br>You gave me roses, and I left them there to die  
><strong>_

Oh, but she desperately wants to. Ever since she left, Santana has been a constant presence, lurking in the back of Brittany's mind, begging to be recognized. She never allowed herself to think about Santana because honestly, it just hurt too much. Brittany didn't pretend to understand everything about love but she was sure that what she and Santana had was real. Leaving her had shattered that – probably beyond repair.

She thinks about the day she left.

"_Please don't do this."_

"_You said you loved me."_

"_I don't want you to."_

The words are burnt into her brain like indelible ink, just like the image of Santana's tear-streaked face, her tough-girl exterior cracking for once to show the vulnerable, sweet girl that Brittany had fallen in love with. During the past year, Brittany has replayed that scene a million times in her mind. Each time, she thinks of a different ending.

But there's no way to change the past, and even Brittany knows that.

_**So this is me swallowing my pride  
>Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night<br>And I go back to December all the time**_

Artie's dad drops them off at McKinley, just in time for Glee rehearsal. As far as Brittany knows, everyone but Santana is expecting her. She hesitates at the front doors to the school. Does she still belong here?

Quinn and Kurt stand on either side of her, strengthening her.

"It'll be alright, Britt," Kurt whispers, squeezing her arm comfortingly. Quinn nods. The three of them march forwards, followed by Artie in his wheelchair. Brittany is surprised to find that the hallways still look exactly the same – nothing is different. Images play out like an old movie reel as she walks down the hall – her and Santana, walking down the corridors with their pinkies linked. Karofsky shoving Kurt into a locker. Quinn and Santana fighting after summer vacation. Rachel staring at Finn and hoping that he would notice her.

She wonders if they can stop in the auditorium first.

_**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you  
>Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine<br>I go back to December, turn around and make it alright  
>I go back to December all the time<strong>_

When she brings it up, her three friends share a glance. Artie offers to go ahead to the choir room and let everyone know that she's coming. Kurt and Quinn accompany her to the auditorium.

Tears prick at Brittany's eyes as she stares at the empty stage. When she was in New Directions, they performed so many songs on that stage, but one performance sticks in her memory. When Kurt finally returned to McKinley they performed _Born This Way_, but one very important member of the club was missing. Santana.

Brittany remembers spending hours working on the "LEBANESE" t-shirt for her. She remembers dancing on the stage wearing her "I'M WITH STOOPID" t-shirt, watching Santana in the audience with David Karofsky of all people. Back then, Brittany had still been with Artie, but she still wanted Santana up onstage with her. She wanted Santana to be able to accept who she was, even if she couldn't have Brittany.

And even though it would have hurt, Brittany wanted her to be able to find some other girl to fall in love with. Santana deserved that.

_**These days, I haven't been sleeping  
>Staying up, playing back myself leaving<br>When your birthday passed, and I didn't call**_

She tells Kurt and Quinn that she's ready now, and they head for the choir room.

Her heart is aching now. Everything is so familiar. She feels like she's come home and all she wants is for things to go back to the way they used to be, but a part of her says that that's impossible. Still, walking into the choir room feels normal. It feels _right_.

Her old friends are all there – all of them, except for Sam of course – and they look older, but still the same. A lump rises in Brittany's throat as she thinks of all the birthdays she missed. Still, that doesn't matter. She's home now.

She counts the members of the club off in her head – Mercedes, wearing an outfit that instantly makes Brittany wish that she had more curves. Rachel, sitting up straight and holding Finn's arm in an iron grip. Finn himself, smiling sweetly at her. Tina and Mike, hands entwined, offering her wide grins and waves. Puck, holding his guitar and trying not to smile. Lauren, her hands buried in a bag of potato chips. And finally, Santana, beautiful Santana who hasn't changed a bit.

_**Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times  
>I watched you laughing from the passenger side<br>And realized I loved you in the fall**_

"Brittany!"

It's Mr. Schuester who speaks first, a smile spreading across his face.

"Hi, Mr. Schue," Brittany replies, trying to sound like her old perky self. She thought that her homecoming would be different, but seeing Santana has sent a chill through her bones. Once again, she isn't sure if she belongs here anymore.

Now that Mr. Schue has taken the first step, the other members of the club rush forward.

"We missed you," Finn says fondly, wrapping her in an awkward hug. The rest of the group converge on them until Brittany can barely breathe. She hugs them back, surprised to find that she actually missed Rachel's diva attitude, Puck's bad-boy promiscuity, Tina and Mike's sickeningly perfect relationship. Now that she's home and it's all in front of her again, the ache is starting to lessen.

Now if only Santana would hug her, things would be perfect.

_**And then the cold came, the dark days  
>When fear crept into my mind<br>You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye**_

She sits and tells her friends all about her new life, but she takes care not to sound like she had a good time. It's not that she didn't, but she doesn't want anybody to get the wrong idea.

She tells them how happy she is to be home and that she can't wait to start practicing again.

Still Santana doesn't speak.

_**So this is me swallowing my pride  
>Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night<br>And I go back to December all the time**_

When the meeting is over and everyone begins to file out of the choir room, Brittany panics. Santana's clambering off of her chair, heading for the door without a second glance – and suddenly Brittany thinks that if she doesn't do something right now, this will be unfixable. So she swallows her pride, grabs onto Santana's arm and forces the other girl to meet her eyes.

"Can I come over?"

_**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you  
>Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine<br>I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind  
>I go back to December all the time<strong>_

An unreadable expression flickers over Santana's features and she nods, just barely.

Brittany follows her out of the school, out to her car, and they ride to Santana's house in silence. Santana leads Brittany up to her bedroom and a lump forms in Brittany's throat. Everything in Santana's room is different. She recognizes nothing, no relics of their friendship. She should have expected it, she thinks. Santana's not the sentimental type.

"Welcome home. Explore. Knock yourself out. Please note that that is a figure of speech and that it would really suck for me if you managed to beat yourself unconscious whilst doing something," Santana drawls, her voice bitter. Brittany closes her eyes.

When Brittany doesn't speak, Santana sighs.

"Well?"

_**I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile  
>So good to me, so right<br>And how you held me in your arms that September night  
>The first time you ever saw me cry<strong>_

"I miss you," Brittany blurts out. Santana raises an eyebrow and Brittany rushes to continue. "God, Santana, I miss you. I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry that I left, but I had no other choice. You're… you're so awesome, Santana, and I know that a lot of people don't realize it but you are. I just hope you can forgive me for leaving you behind."

Something flickers in Santana's eyes.

"Whatever," she says coldly. "Was that it?"

_**Maybe this is wishful thinking  
>Probably mindless dreaming<br>But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right **_

Brittany's eyes fill with tears.

_Tell her, _whispers a voice in the back of her mind. _What have you got to lose? She already hates you. Tell her._

_It will never work,_ says the other voice in her head, the one that always beats her down.

But she has to try.

_**I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't  
>So if the chain is on your door, I understand<strong>_

"Please, Santana," she whispers. "I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say? I broke up with Artie for you. I faced everything I was afraid of for you. I _missed_ you more than anyone else in Glee club, Santana, because I love you. I'm in love with you. Can't you just give me a chance to show you? Please. If I could turn back time and fix it, fix everything, then I would."

_**This is me swallowing my pride  
>Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night<br>And I go back to December**_

There's a silence, and Brittany's heart skips a beat. Santana stares at her for a long moment, dark eyes boring into blue ones.

"You hurt me," she states, matter-of-factly.

"I know," Brittany replies, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you call?"

That takes Brittany by surprise. "You… you said you didn't want me to. And I'd never do anything that you didn't want me to do, Santana."

_**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you  
>Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine<br>I go back to December, turn around and make it alright  
>I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind<br>I go back to December all the time, all the time.**_

And then all of a sudden Santana is rushing at her, and her lips are on Brittany's and her hands are threading through Brittany's hair and their bodies are pressed flush against each other. Brittany isn't sure if she's taking advantage of Santana or not but right now she doesn't care because it's been so long since she kissed these lips, so long since she was able to wrap her arms around Santana's waist. They stand like that for a long time, kissing in the middle of Santana's bedroom, until Santana finally pulls away with a strangled gasp and lays her forehead against Brittany's.

"Please don't leave me again," she whispers, showing the vulnerable side of herself, the secret side that is only ever revealed to Brittany. Brittany tugs Santana closer to her, holding her as close as she possibly can, and presses a soft kiss to Santana's forehead.

"I promise."

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><p><strong>Er, I hope that turned out alright. Let me know? :)<strong>


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